New Year's Resolutions Are Hard

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I forget that the moment I'm in right now used to be what I wished for. I used to dream about how awesome college would be, how I was going to decorate my dorm room all cute and pink, all the friends I was going to make and on and on and on. And it pretty much all came true. College is pretty awesome (sometimes), my dorm is definitely cute and pink, and I've made lifelong friends, yet I still dream about the future and yearn for what's to come next. It's like my cup is never full even though it's overflowing. I made it a New Year's Resolution to be present, to enjoy the moment I'm in, and I can't say that I've made much progress. I find myself lying in my bed on Sunday nights thinking "Ugh that was the best weekend, I wish I could relive it, I wish I took more time to cherish the moments."

Okay one sec, I need to open the doors to my brain and let y'all in so you can understand how wack it is. When I'm having a really good moment, I like to remove myself mentally from the situation and just take a few seconds to tell myself "You are here right now, Julia. You are in this moment. Cherish it." I do this when I'm laying in bed with my dog on a Saturday morning. I do this when I'm surrounded by family and friends. I do this when I'm at a concert. And I for sure do this like 193572730 times during the Christmas season because it is my absolute favorite and I have to pinch myself to remind myself that it's real *laughing crying emoji*

Anyways, this is my way of making myself be present. But on those Sunday nights, I think to myself that I didn't take enough of those moments, that I wasn't truly there because I didn't take five seconds to fully appreciate it, and then I get upset with myself because I feel like I failed in a way? But, sitting here typing this, I know that the reality of the situation is that I was too busy actually living, actually being happy, actually being in the moment, actually being present to take those five seconds to "make myself be present". I've realized that forcing myself to be present does quite the opposite of genuinely being in that moment.

Today I complained all day about how I have nothing to look forward to for the next month, it's so cold outside, I don't like my job, I'm over having to do homework...and I realized, this is what I used to wish for. This moment, in this dorm room, living with my best friends, avoiding homework because we're too busy laughing. This is the moment I used to wish for. And I'm sure this is a moment I will wish to experience again once it's gone. And here I am complaining about it and wishing for it to go by faster?!?! Like are you insane, Julia?!? (The answer is yes). I tell myself I only have two more months of school and then I get to go home for the summer and it will be warm and I won't have homework and I will be happy, and those two months seem daunting and long. But at the same time, I only have two more months of living with some of my best friends. Two more months of living in my cute, pink dorm room. Two more months of getting ice cream with every meal at the dining hall. Two more months of being a college freshman and that's it. And those two months seem like they'll take two seconds.

It's about perspective. I am choosing to believe that I am in this season of waiting and not having a lot of excitement because it will push me to find excitement in the mundane. It will allow me to soak in all those little college moments that I'll miss in two months. It will allow me to be present. It will also teach me patience which we all know I could use more of LOL...#KeepinItReal

And with that, I'll leave you by saying it's okay to have those moments of discouragement where you feel like the struggling season will never end. But, you should also look at all the blessings that you have in that same season.

Alright over and out fam!!

Just Julia

(Also, little disclaimer, I actually have like two and a half months left of school, but two was a nicer number to use so, my apologies hahaha)