I’ve been working on this blog post for over a week now, and I just can’t seem to get my words to align. I have all these thoughts bouncing around in my head, but none of them seem to go together nicely. I almost just scratched this blog altogether, but I feel like words, however messy and fragmented they are, are better than no words. So here they are. The Perfect Routine...Does Not Exist This is the beginning of the fourth week and I’m still trying to figure out how my life is gonna roll this semester. I thought that this being my second year, ya know, I’m a veteran at this point.
I thought that I would have an easier time adjusting, but low and behold, homegirl is on the struggle bus!!! Today, I came to the realization that I didn’t allow myself time to adjust. I wanted to bipass the "figuring it out" stage. I wanted it all to be perfect and I wanted it to perfect the day that I moved in. I know that my brain functions best on a routine, so I planned out this *unrealistic* routine in my head before I had even started classes again. I thought that if I had it planned out, I would have an easier time adjusting. Right idea I guess, but when I didn’t live up to that routine, I felt like a failure. What I was overlooking, though, was that I didn’t allow myself time to figure it out. After that second week of failing to uphold the routine, feeling discouraged as ever, I decided to look at what my days actually looked like. I wrote down specific time intervals, what I was doing during that time, and repeated it for each day of the week. It looked a little something like this: 6:00 - 7:00 Workout 7:00 - 7:45 Shower, get ready 8:00 - 9:15 Class 1 9:30 - 11:45 Study break at the library 12:00 - 12:50 Class 2 1:00 - 2:00 Lunch 2:00 - 6:00 Work 6:00 - 7:30 Dinner and unwind 7:30 - 9:00 Homework 9:00 - 10:00 Me Time: Netflix (This is not my actual schedule btw, I’m too paranoid about getting kidnapped to put that out on the Internet lol, so this is just a mock schedule. That 7:00-7:45 shower/get ready time is super unrealistic. I take like a solid hour and twenty minutes every morning to get ready 💄💅🏼💁🏼♀️)
But, the point is, I wrote my schedule out with realistic times and saw that it was doable. I also have the mindset of giving myself grace. If my homework takes longer one day and I don’t get that “me time,” I’ll make sure not to procrastinate my homework the next day so I do get that me time. If I was up too late the night before and am just too tired to wake up and workout, I’ll let myself sleep in, and just do 20 squats at random times throughout the day and call it good. I wrote myself a schedule last week, and I’m already changing it for this week. I’m learning to be more adaptable. I’m learning how to allow myself time. I’m learning how to give myself grace.
Choosing Happiness
It’s about choosing happiness and being positive. I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE. But when you’re in these low ruts, it’s hard to actually believe it. Every morning I say three things that I’m grateful for. Often times one of them is that I’m thankful to have the opportunity of higher education. And when it’s really early in the morning, I have a lot of homework on my plate, and I’m in a really bad mood, the Devil Julia on my left shoulder rolls her eyes at the Angel Julia on my right shoulder, but hey, I said it, it’s out in the universe, and maybe I’ll manifest it into becoming a true statement. But like I said, I’m trying!!
Temporary
Temporary. What a double-edged sword. The stress of college, and balancing two jobs, and figuring out who I want to be, and budgeting and laundry and grocery shopping and eating a quesadilla and applesauce as a meal, it’s all only temporary and it will end. But so is going to Husker games as a student, and walking by Memorial Stadium on my way to class, and sharing an apartment with my best friends, and late-night ice cream runs simply because I can. That is also temporary and will also end. Like I said, a double-edged sword. Bittersweet.
And here comes the one liners!!
I may not know what I’m doing today, but I know more than what I did yesterday, and I’ll be able to say the same tomorrow.
“I take it day by day, and if that’s too much, then I take it hour by hour.” -McKenna Hotovy (aka my cousin. aka my inspiration. aka angel on earth.)
“That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.”
Thank you for bearing with me through this blog post. I know that it didn't quite make sense at some points, but man, it doesn't really make sense in my brain either 😂
Just Julia